Why Can't I Stop Pulling My Hair?

You find a hair that feels wrong.

Too coarse. Too wiry. Too thick. Whatever it is, suddenly you need that particular hair gone.

So you pull it.

And then your fingers find another one.

Or maybe you don't even notice you're pulling until you've been doing it for 20 minutes and think, Shit. I did it again.

If this sounds familiar, it may be trichotillomania, or hair-pulling disorder. It's a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB), and no, the problem isn't that you just need more self-control.

What does trichotillomania look like?

It's different for everyone. You might:

• Hunt for hairs that feel different or “wrong”
• Pull from your scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or somewhere else
• Run your fingers through your hair looking for the one
• Pull while watching TV, working, reading, or scrolling
• Pull more when you're stressed, bored, tired, or completely zoned out
• Hide thinning spots or missing hair
• Tell yourself one more about 40 fucking times

Some people are completely focused on pulling while they're doing it. Other people barely realize their hand is in their hair.

Why the hell can't I just stop?

Because wanting to stop doesn't magically turn off the urge.

Pulling might feel satisfying. Finding a certain kind of hair might feel satisfying. It might release tension. Or your hand may have gotten so used to wandering up to your hair that it happens before you've even registered what you're doing.

That's why “just stop pulling” is shitty advice.

If that worked, you wouldn't be Googling this.

Okay, so what actually helps?

First, figuring out what the hell is driving your pulling.

The Comprehensive Behavioral Model (ComB) is an evidence-based treatment approach for BFRBs. Instead of giving everyone the same bag of tricks, we look at your actual pattern.

When do you pull? Where are you? What are you feeling for? Are you aware you're doing it? What happens right before your hand goes up? What makes it hard to stop once you've started?

Then we work from there.

Because I'll try harder tomorrow isn't a treatment plan.

Do I need help if my hair pulling isn't “that bad”?

You don't need bald spots before you're allowed to get help.

If you're hiding the effects, spending more time pulling than you want, constantly trying to stop, or you're just fucking tired of dealing with it, that's enough.

At Beyond Borders CBT, our clinicians specialize in evidence-based treatment for trichotillomania, skin picking, and other BFRBs through telehealth in multiple states.